Loss knows no limits.

Loss knows no limits.
Whether you've lost a child, a parent, a spouse, a part of yourself, a season in your life... there is a certain understanding that unites all people who have experienced true, heartbreaking, seemingly impossible loss. I hear stories about people who have lost their 3 month old babies in car accidents, or people who have lost their husband of 30+ years to cancer, or of women who have had bits and pieces of their identity ripped from their grasp and my heart immediately feels united with theirs. Their loss is my loss. I understand it. I feel it. I grieve and mourn with them. While our stories are so different, we have both experienced loss in such a real and life-changing way. Loss knows no limits. It is universal. The pain and grief that come with loss, whatever the form, is the same. I find so much hope in this, knowing that I am not alone. Knowing that others understand, to some extent, the heartbreak I feel. Knowing that, before ANY of our suffering, Jesus felt the same loss. I love how JJ Heller says it in her song Control "...there were scars before my scars. Love written on the hands that hung the stars. Hope living in the blood that was spilled for me...."
I find hope knowing that there were scars before my scars.
And I get to choose, everyday, how I respond to the hurt and pain I feel. I can let it control my life. I can let it debilitate me. I can give in to the hopelessness.
OR
I can believe in God's great plan for my life. I can believe that every obstacle and unjust thing and seemingly impossible struggle that occurs in my life "has been permitted by God as a glorious opportunity for us to react to them in such a way that our Lord and Savior is able to produce in us, little by little, his own lovely character." -Hannah Hurnard

I can't say that I understand the reasons behind why these things happen. Loss isn't fair. It doesn't make sense. It hurts and is horribly impossible. But I choose to believe. To have faith. To live a life of surrender to my God, knowing that He wants me to be more like him. Knowing that He will use every impossible situation to make me more like him. Knowing that he is a good God, always.
Loss knows no limits, but neither does God's great love. That's the truth.

De-stress-afier

Some days, life gets the best of me. I find myself tightly wound with stress, frustration, an ever-growing to-do list... you get the idea. This morning was one of those days. As I was getting ready for work, I found my mind racing with all of this week's meetings and agenda and shopping lists. Now, different people respond differently to these types of scenarios. Some people would make a list of EVERYTHING they need to get done. Some people would ignore the nagging reminders in their head, and just stroll through their day unaffected by many things they need to get done. Some people would call a friend and begin to verbally process through all of the items on their plate. But me, I have a special way to deal with situations like these: When the stress comes, I vacuum. I'm not even kidding. About 10 minutes into blow-drying my hair today, I got up from my vanity, plugged in my Dyson, and proceeded to vacuum my bedroom. Twice. Okay, maybe three times. When I was done, I somehow felt lighter, happier, more care-free. I'm convinced everybody needs to vacuum when they're stressed. Or at least figure out what it is that melts their stress away like vacuuming does for me.
Vacuuming is officially my de-stress-afier.
Try it out sometime, you might be pleasantly surprised by the outcome :)

Celebrate.

A simple word
Written on the door frame
Of my soon-to-be office
In Sharpie
Spoke to my heart.
This past year has been a really hard one.
I've come through so many dark places.
God has done so much in my life.
And I want to be known for, to be MARKED by, my celebration.
I want to celebrate in the face of discouragement and pain and loss and suffering and heartbreak and trials and hardship.
I want to choose celebration. Someone wise once told me that this is a season of celebration for me. And I'm convinced the season is not over. That the season may last a lifetime.

I believe that something powerful happens when you take a posture of celebration.
The power shifts from the hands of the one inflicting the pain to the hands of the one healing it.
It would be so easy to look back on my year, and ahead at the year to come, and think of nothing but the hard parts. The trials to come. The pain. But I choose to celebrate.
I want to celebrate ALL of the victories in my life.
Big and small.
Easy and hard.
All of them.
Because there are a lot.
I'm blessed. My life is blessed. I have an incredible family who reminds me to celebrate. Who reminds me I have many reasons to celebrate.
So, as the drywall goes up around that exposed door frame, and the sharpie-marked 2x4 gets covered, I fix my eyes on God, knowing that He is celebrating with me.

I choose celebration.
I want my life to be marked by it.

Good News.

"Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy."

Sometimes I have to read this Psalm over and over and over.
Just to remember that the tears are part of the planting, but the JOY will be part of the harvesting. The process doesn't end with the tears, but with the joy.
That's good news.
Because some days are harder than other days.
Some days, the tears just seem to be a little more real. A little more accessible. A little more abundant.
But the good news is that it doesn't end with the tears. It ends with the joy. And the joy is worth waiting for. Worth crying for. Worth fighting through the tears for.
So, when the tears come, I just remember that on the other side, there is joy.

What's on your list?

Things that can bring a smile to my face guaranteed:

-ranunculus
-sweet words from my sweet friends
-bear hugs from my sweet Zeke
-weddings (they bring a smile and usually tears)
-fresh flowers. any kind, but ESPECIALLY ranunculus.
-toothless grins from grade-school kids
-sticky notes, note cards, sharpies... pretty much office supplies of any kind
-bows and ribbons in my hair
-listening to After the Storm. Over and over again
-witty text messages
-my cat when he snores
-listening to little ones pray
-hugs. always hugs
-notes on my windshield
-adventures

Some days, you just need to remember what makes you smile.

(here's a picture of ranunculus)

Just a thought for today...

Today, I choose to be glad. To rejoice. To give thanks. To have hope.
Today, I choose to fix my sights on what is lovely and good and joyous and pleasant.
I find that many are drawn to only see the negative. The ugly. The imperfections in their life.
My only question for them is why? Why waste your time looking at the bad and ugly? Why not make a choice to be positive; I'm convinced it's contagious. And sure, some call me naive, but I'm okay with that. I just happen to believe that life is too short to waste a day angry and bitter. We often become comfortable in our bitterness, and can't find our way out.
So, I make a choice. Every day. To be glad. To rejoice. To give thanks. Because my God has rescued me. He has set me free. He has given me hope. He has given me a glorious, beautiful, wonderful, blessed life. How can I NOT be thankful for that?
Now hear me out, I'm not saying it's easy, or that I ALWAYS succeed. There are definitely days where I'm grouchy and upset. But it's something that I'm constantly remembering. Constantly reminding myself of. Constantly asking myself.
What am I choosing today? What am I fixing my thoughts on today? Who's voice am I pressing into today?

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8-9

I believe we all have a choice. Every day. What do we choose to fix our thoughts on?

It is April. There is hope.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

I keep seeing banners and tweets and updates about it. It seems to be in my face everywhere I turn.
When I was 16, I was a victim of sexual assault.
It's taken me years to talk about. 10 years, to be exact. I've lived with this big, painful, paralyzing, dark secret for 10 years. Nobody knew. And that's how I wanted it. I carried so much shame. So much guilt. I thought people would judge me if they knew. I thought they would leave me, betray me, reject me if they knew the truth. So, I kept the secret. Until almost exactly a year ago. That's when I had possibly the hardest conversation of my life. Unveiling the truth that I'd been hiding for 10 years. There were a lot of tears. And there was a lot of fear. But, once the truth was out there, out in the light, out of the darkness it had been living in for 10 years, everything changed.
The shame and
fear and
pain and
guilt began to disappear.
And were replaced with truth and
joy and
victory and
freedom.
God began to speak truth and life back into the most broken and wounded places in me. He began to restore and redeem and heal. It was a long, hard road. One that I'm still journeying down. But one that I choose to take every day. I choose to believe the things God says about me. I choose to celebrate and press into God's words for my life. I choose to see the progress I've made. I choose the hope I have in God. Part of healing is a choice. You have to choose to tell your story. Even if you've been keeping it a secret for 10 years. You have to choose to be vulnerable and real. And to trust God.

I'm choosing to tell this part of my story, not because it's fun (it's actually still kind of terrifying to tell... especially in such a public way), but because awareness needs to be raised. One in four women will be sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime.
One in four.
The numbers are shocking, but what's even MORE shocking is that many of those women won't report or even talk about the assault.
I'm telling this part of my story so that people know they aren't alone. And so they know that there is hope.
Deuteronomy 31:6 is my constant reminder that there is hope, that God doesn't leave us, that we don't have to be afraid or terrified or fearful... "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
That is his promise to us. He will never leave us. He will never forsake us. There is hope.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness month. That's why I'm choosing to tell this part of my story.