Real Talk Tuesday: Emily Dates Boulder edition

My friend Dan started something amazing: Real Talk Tuesday. 
It's basically creating space to be real and share our hurts, pain and disappointments. Dan has also created a #dontdeletethat movement- waging war against the perfect selfie. Go check out his blog. You're welcome.
When I heard Dan's idea for Real Talk Tuesday, I was pumped. If you know me, you know I'm pretty honest with the junk I'm going through. God has called me into a life of vulnerability, and I'm embracing it; good, bad and ugly. So I appreciated Dan's idea to create a rhythm of being real and raw with people, because that's what I'm about.
I've got a lot of material for #realtalktuesday. This year has been chalked full of pain, hurt and disappointment. I've suffered a ton of loss, and I'm just now on the road to getting healthy. However, this week I knew I needed to be real about my singleness. If you've been reading any of my blogs, you've probably heard all about my challenge for this year: #EmilyDatesBoulder, where I've committed to fully embracing two online dating websites for one full year. And while most of my blogs are brimming with funny stories and witty comments, at the core of this challenge is a ton of hurt. I'm 29. I just celebrated my birthday on Christmas eve. I've been single for the last 8 years. I can't tell you the last time I was asked out on a date. No man has EVER pursued me. I've celebrated the last 8 New Years Eves, Valentines Days, Christmases, birthdays and every other holiday alone. And while, yes, I have amazing friends and incredible family, there is this void in my heart that longs for a man to fill. 

I've been to more weddings that I can count, and while I'm always incredibly excited and happy for the couple, the question is always in the back of my mind
"When will it be my turn?"
"Has God forgotten about me?"
"What's wrong with me?"
"What am I doing wrong?" 

And before you try to answer one or more of those questions with some cliche "As soon as you stop looking, you'll find the man of your dreams" kind of answer, please stop. With all due respect, I don't want to hear it. Unless you're one of my very closest friends, you don't really know and understand my heart behind all of this hurt. You don't get to slap a band-aid on this 9 year old wound. I'm allowed to hurt and be angry and be confused. It's not fair! I have faced EVERY mountain God has placed in front of me, and rarely questioned his goodness. I have worked so FREAKING hard to live a healthy life. I have put tons of time into healing, and growing, and I'm still stuck here, with this one HUGE longing left unfulfilled. It just isn't fair. And I'm just being real, those are the questions I find myself thinking about all the time.
When do I get the fairy tale wedding?
When do I get the man of my dreams?
When is it my FREAKING turn?
I can't help but think that God really HAS forgotten me. Because it's been a long time. And there's been a lot of hurt and pain along the way.
And I know that all of you out there who want to tell me "Just make a list of all the things you want in a husband, and God will give you them!" or "Maybe you're just not looking hard enough" I know you mean well, but honestly, it doesn't help. Want to help? Just listen. And let me be sad or frustrated or angry. Cry with me. Laugh with me. Just let me feel whatever I want to feel. And support me. That's all you can do. Because your trite answers really suck. (Sorry, but they do.)
So there you have it, the real talk behind #EmilyDatesBoulder
I encourage you to join this movement. Get real. Be honest. Get raw. Maybe your outlet isn't blogging (mine seems to be), but whatever it may be, let it all out. It feels a lot better once you're done :)

Follow #dontdeletethat, #emilydatesboulder and #realtalktuesday on various forms of social media. Lots of good stuff. Don't be THAT guy, who misses out on all of the good stuff.

#EmilyDatesBoulder: First dates and lessons learned

So, just a few short weeks ago, I took on a challenge: #EmilyDatesBoulder. I'm committing to two online dating sites for six months to one year. I'm all in: browsing matches, sending "smiles" to those matches and returning the emails from promising/quality matches. I've also committed to say yes to any date I'm asked on this year (within reason... no total crazies) and I'm going to use my lovely blog as a place to disclose the good, bad and ugly of all of my experience.

SO, here I am, a few weeks in with my VERY FIRST DATE to report back on.
The details:
After chatting back and forth online, my date (who I'll call Jerry) asked me out to watch a soccer game. After finding out the unGODLY hour of this original date (10pm on a TUESDAY!!! I'm too old for that...), Jerry asked me out for drinks on a Saturday evening at a local restaurant/bar, Oskar Blues. Up until walking into the bar, I was SO incredibly nervous. What if he's crazy? What if he's not REALLY 6'1, but really like 5'2? What if it's super awkward? What if I walk up to the wrong guy at the bar? What if he doesn't show up? I haven't been on a date in a while, okay? I was nervous!! Well, to make a long story short, the date went better than I could have ever expected. Conversation was easy, he was actually closer to 6'2" (hooray!), and he wasn't a weirdo at all. Sure, there were a few awkward points in the conversation and we both might have said really random and strange things at one point or another, but all in all it was a great first online dating experience! I feel like it really broke the ice! I've got another date lined up with a DIFFERENT guy tomorrow night, and I don't feel nervous in the least. Which is a nice feeling.

It's funny, because I decided to do this #EmilyDatesBoulder challenge to take a chance and to submerge myself into a season of adventure and risk. And while I've already experienced some incredible benefits from taking the risks, more than anything I'm learning a ton about myself.
I enjoy comfort (which I knew). I don't like the unknown (also knew). As much as I like to meet new people, I value people who know me and understand me more (didn't really know this). Taking risks in a totally unknown environment with people who don't know me is really difficult (also didn't know this)! It's no easy task! But what I'm finding is that it's allowing God the opportunity to remind me of who I am and the promises he has for me regardless of what these strangers might think of me. God has something amazing for me. Maybe I'll meet him online, maybe I won't! In any case, God has not brought me through the wreckage and destruction that he has just to leave me here, with these huge desires left unfulfilled. I'm confident that God knows exactly what he's doing, and that #EmilyDatesBoulder is part of that plan... and maybe to teach me a few things about trust.

A few funny things from my inbox this week:
-A guy with the username "onegoodbadboy" is inappropriately obsessed with my eyebrows.
-For some reason, I tend to attract men who are amputees. Nothing against the limb-less brothers, it's just a reoccurring theme in my online dating life. True (and strange!) story.
-More HORRIBLE tribal tattoos. This one accompanied by a GIANT Texas-shaped Texas flag tattoo. Double yikes.

Emily Dates Boulder

(Just a little someecards goodness)

It's been a little less than a week now since I decided to take on my #EmilydatesBoulder challenge. You can check out my last blog for a bit more about this exhilarating challenge. I think I've finally decided on the two dating websites I will be using:
1. Ok Cupid: it's free, easy to navigate and allows you to communicate with your matches. Some of the "free" sites make you pay to do anything but just look at pictures. Lame.
2. Christian Mingle: This one isn't free, but I've weighed my options and decided that paying a bit to have a bigger selection of men who love Jesus is worth it! I've had to do a GREAT deal of sorting through some really sketchy dudes... and the majority of them don't love Jesus at all. And, at the end of the day, you get what you pay for.

As promised, I've got the good, the bad and the ugly of online dating for you. This time it's allllll about terrible pick up lines.

Emily Dates Boulder: Entry #2 - Awful and hilarious pick up lines

This is just a little note to all the fellas out there who are trying to meet women: Don't use terrible, awful, painfully awkward and just plain BAD pick up lines. Give a woman a genuine compliment. Ask to take her out for coffee. Tell her your name. ANYTHING but a juicy pick up line. Trust me, I speak for (I think) all women when I say we don't like or appreciate tacky one-liners. It makes us laugh at you on the inside and awkwardly smile on the outside. Don't be weird.

These are just a few of my favorites that have been flooding my inbox the past couple of days...

"You MUST have a fever, you're too hot...!"
"I lost my number, can I have yours...?"
And my PERSONAL favorite: "When I saw you, I fainted and hit my head. I need your name and number for insurance reasons..."

These are no joke you guys. And these are just a few of my faves, meaning there are WAY more that I won't make you read. It's so comical, yet kind of frustrating. If I'm being honest, I just want to meet a respectable, kind, genuine man who knows how to treat a woman. So far I'm striking out. However, I refuse to give up. I'm sticking with this, even if it means I only report back with all of the terrible pick up lines I encounter. 

Keep up with my journey on Instagram #emilydatesboulder

A New Year's Challenge.

It's almost 2014.
I love the New Year.
I love setting new goals.
I love the clean slate of a New Year.
This year, I'm setting a few goals for myself- physical goals (train for a race, get back to Cross-Fitting), educational goals (get some extra training for my job, look into going back to school), and personal goals. More than the others, I'm really excited about the personal goals I'm setting for myself, and I've decided to invite the blogging world into one particular part of these goals this year. More than a goal, it's a challenge really. And here it is:

Emily Dates Boulder:

The challenge: 
-Commit to two online dating sites for 6 months - a year. Like actively commit to them. As in checking my mail, "winking" at and messaging guys on there, replying to the ones who seem interesting, showing my friends the profile pictures of the ones who are total looney tunes. Fully. Committed.
The rules:
-Using discretion, say yes to all most of the dates I'm asked on (whether I'm asked online OR in person).
-Report back to my faithful followers with the highlights and the horror stories, as well as the juicy truth behind online dating for those who are in the same love-seeking boat I'm in.
The reason: 
I just turned 29. I'm single. I have been for over 5 years. I just moved to a brand new city in a brand new state. I'm ready to meet someone and it's time I take some responsibility for my singleness! I'm taking a huge risk by putting myself out there and dating strangers, but with great risk comes great reward, RIGHT?! 

Dating Diaries entry #1: The Do's and Don'ts of online dating- Profile edition
Two days ago, I began this crazy, horrifying and immensely hilarious process of online dating. After the tedious process of filling out my profile and answering questions, I was free to browse the profiles of other 20-somethings who are looking for love, or at least looking for a companion. Now, please hear me out, I'm not this outrageously judgemental person. I'm really not, BUT I feel like the world needs a little lesson in profile-making when it comes to online dating sites.
The Do's and Don'ts:
Don't: pick a user name like "BizKit420" or "Sinizme". It's just terrible. And it makes me laugh at you.
Don't: post a FULL BODY picture of you and your terrible tribal tattoo. It's awful. Nobody (and I really mean nobody) wants to see it. Sorry, but it's true.
Do: Check your profile for spelling and grammar mistakes. I'm certinaly not blameless when it comes to grammar mistakes, but when your profile reads "i aint got no time for none of thems..." it immediately sends a message, and not necessarily a good one.
Don't: post ONLY bathroom selfies. I mean, one is fine, but seven of them? Really? That's a little bit overboard buddy.
Do: try to be tasteful with the information you share. Nobody cares about your previous sexual experiences. Really. I do mean that. No one wants to know.

This is quite the adventure I'm on. More often than not I'm reading a message from an absolute creep with some terrible pick up line. But I guess sorting through the crazies is part of what I've signed up for. My hope and ultimate prayer is that there's a normal guy out there somewhere who loves the Lord and wants to meet a really interesting and witty girl (aka ME, duh!) and through mutual creeper-sorting we will eventually meet. I am convinced that I don't have to compromise my values and morals just to meet someone.

So, buckle up and get ready for a wild ride of dates, creeps and laughs! 

Follow my adventure on Instagram #emilydatesboulder

Transition

Transition. 

This is my life right now. 

I'm transitioning back from a two month trip in a third-world country. 

I'm transitioning into life in a brand new town, in a brand new state. 

I'm transitioning into a new job. 

I'm transitioning into a new church, new community, new life. 

And, right now, transition kind of sucks. 

I know that with transition comes new beginnings and fresh starts and renewed promises, BUT with transition also come saying goodbye and the end of a season. 

I the familiar. 

I value being known. 

I value comfort. 

And these things aren't immediate in transition. 

These are the things that take time. There are days when I can't figure out where I belong. I can't figure out what this new season will bring. I can't figure out when I won't feel like such a mess. But there's one thing I do know- there is always hope. There is hope in this new season, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. There is hope in this new beginning, even if it's terribly painful right now. There is hope that I am known, even if by only a few, they are the ones that matter. I'm still figuring this all out, but I cling to the hope that I have, and continue to look for more. 

No season goes on forever. 

Transition isn't permanent.

A lesson on gratitude

Winding our way through a maze of small mud-brick huts, we finally
reach our destination. A small wall surrounds the hut, with a piece of
tin as a door. I pull back the tin and enter the tidy courtyard where
I see things neatly in their place: three plastic bowls and two large
metal pots in one corner where a fire is still red and alive, a mat is
carefully laid down in a different corner where beans are evenly
spread out, drying in the blistering African sun, four large sticks
and some grass woven together creates a covering just to the side of
the hut, and that is where we find our sought after guest. She is
sitting on a small mat, wearing a bright pagne as a skirt and a
threadbare t-shirt. In her hands is a cluster of peanut plants. She is
so concentrated on removing the peanuts from the plant that she hardly
notices our arrival. It isn’t until we set down the large sack of
grain that she looks up from her task and smiles a wide, almost
toothless smile and begins clapping her hands. All morning we had been
delivering grain and soap to local widows, and she was one of our last
stops of the day. I was severely sun burnt, and exhausted from a long
morning in the sun, but there was something that drew me to this
woman. There was something about her that caused me to pay close
attention. Maybe it was her very neatly kept courtyard (not all of the
homes we had visited were in such condition) or maybe it was the way
she was humming to herself as she worked, but this woman exuded joy.
As with all of the distributions, we exchanged the grain and soap, and
prepared to pray for the woman. Novaloum, the Burkinabe in charge of
the distribution, began conversing with the woman in Moore. Her words
lingered in the air, much like the smoke from the nearby cooking fire.
Novaloum explained to us that this woman was almost completely blind,
and unable to walk. He explained that this grain was her main source
of food because she could no longer work in the fields to provide for
herself. As Novaloum shared parts of her story with us, I couldn’t
take my eyes off of this beautiful woman. The joy and gratitude and
hope were deeply woven into her, it’s almost like those things weren’t
just an attitude she possessed but they were her reality. She was
hope. She was joy. By any standards her circumstance was dismal, but
by looking at her you would NEVER know. As I shook her hand to say
goodbye, she held on for a few moments longer, whispering “Wend na
songe” which means, “God bless you” in my ear. Maybe it was the heat,
but I just about fell apart when she let go of my hand. I was so
deeply moved by this woman. She had so very little. She had lost her
husband, her body was failing her, and she almost completely dependent
on others to care for her, yet she was radiating love and generosity.
For years I’ve read where the Bible talks about caring for the orphans
and widows, and I had always assumed that it was our duty, that we
were supposed to do those things because that’s what set us apart. But
really, I think God wants us to do these things so that he can teach
us the TRUE meaning of gratitude and generosity and love. I think that
God wants to give us something when we do these things. I know that
that woman gave me a priceless gift. That moment where she gently held
my hand, humming sweet blessings to me, that moment will forever be
mine. I will forever remember the look of delight in her sparkling
eyes and the youthful way she clapped her hands in excitement at our
arrival. I think that THAT moment is what God wanted to give me, and
for that I am forever grateful.

Sounds of Yako

There is a constant buzz at the orphanage. It is alive with children
and laughter and screaming and singing and soccer games. Here are a
few of the constant sounds I hear…
- Sewing machines: Pauline (the seamstress) works on the porch that is
just across the yard from my room. She works sun up to sun down making
clothes for the children and other clients that come and go. I can
always hear the buzz from her sewing machine and the chatter between
her and some of the girls who work with her.
- Chickens: Right outside my window is the chicken coop. I can always
be sure to hear the chickens clucking and the rooster crowing at all
hours. Sometimes, they jump up on my window and try to peck their way
in.
- School children- Across the soccer field from our house is the
orphanage’s primary school. The kids arrive at around 7:00
Monday-Wednesday and Friday for school. I love their chatter and
squeals. They play on the teeter-totters and the climbing structure
the most, but not more than the giant flock of kids that can be found
in a cloud of dust on the soccer “field.” Less of a field, and more of
a large section of dirt with two metal goals on either side, I would
say this is the favorite spot of the school children AND the orphanage
children. At all hours of the day, kids can be found playing on the
soccer field. Sometimes it’s only a playful game of “keep-away” but
other times it’s an intense game of 5 on 5. I love the banter that
accompanies both games. I can’t understand a single word, but it’s
always obvious when something exciting is happening. At 8:00 sharp, a
whistle blows and all of the school children hurry to the flagpole
that proudly flies the Burkina Faso flag. There, they all join
together in what I believe is Burkina’s national anthem and a short
prayer. I love the sweet hum in unison of their voices. At 10:00, the
whistle blows again, and the kids pile out of their classrooms and
race for the playground.
- Construction: Since I have arrived, there has been a team of men
working around the clock to complete a new dining hall for the kids. I
wake up to the sound of them pounding their hammers and mixing
concrete.  From 1:00-2:00 is the only time (when the sun is up) that
the pounding and mixing ceases as the men eat their lunch.
- “Music Class”: Each morning, the preschool-aged kids have their
class. At the beginning of each class time, they “play” instruments.
Usually, this consists of three year-olds banging on little drums and
shaking egg-shakers with joy and excitement. Oh, and shouting. Lots of
shouting. Shouting at the top of their little lungs shouting, usually
to the French song the Auntie teaching the class has picked out.
Sometimes, they sing their own song, and play their own rhythm. There
are times when I can’t tell the difference between the banging of the
construction and the banging of music class…

These are just to name a few of my favorite sounds of Yako.