Family continued...

Living in Family has been hard for me.
I feel like I need to start by saying that I love my parents and my sister.
Very much.
My mom and dad have been incredible parents. They really have.
But it's safe to say that childhood wasn't a dream.
The truth is, things were difficult.
And those difficulties turned a scared, insecure little girl into an even MORE scared and insecure grown-up girl.
A girl who always questioned her place in her family.
Who never knew if things were safe.
Who didn't want to "rock the boat" or draw any kind of attention to herself.
Walk on eggshells. Don't make waves.
These were the messages that carried over into my adult life.
So, this is some of my baggage that I so slyly carried with me into this NEW family I found myself part of.
A family where people said it's OK to be yourself... but the fears remained.
A family where there was health and truth and understanding... but the fears remained.
What if they find out who I REALLY am, and leave?
Rejected.
Again.
What if I bear my soul, and they walk away?
Abandoned.
Again.
Living in Family has been hard for me.
But, as the walls came down, and the secrets came out, and the soul was beared (is that a word?), the craziest thing happened: This Family stuck around.
Nobody ran for the hills.
Nobody told me I was too much, that my baggage was too great to handle.
Nobody rejected or abandoned or betrayed.
As the walls came down, and the truth came out, I was received with love and compassion.
The fear in my heart was replaced with trust.
But it had to start with the walls coming down.
Family is hard.
It's messy and scary and all over the place.
But God hasn't called us to live on our own. We have been called to live in this crazy, messy, all over the place family. And as our walls start to come down, God will replace our fear with trust. He will replace our abandoned and rejected hearts with hearts that are loved and embraced and accepted.

Living in Family has been hard for me, but God has used this family to heal those wounded parts of my heart.

Today, I'm thankful for Family and the health that comes with it!