Dreams, passions, and Africa.

I love children.
I love the beautiful way they see the world.
I love the way they grasp God's love.
My heart beats for children, to see them grow up fully knowing their identity in God, for an entire generation to grow up being deeply rooted in God's love for them. Wouldn't that change everything?! Wouldn't that change their struggles? Wouldn't that change the world around them? God had given me faith to see this happen. I know that these children are going to change the world in incredible ways.
Sometimes, I feel like my heart is going to burst.
On Sunday mornings, I watch dozens and dozens of children of all ages flood the Stirring Kids hallway, and I am overwhelmed by God's love for these little people. I am overwhelmed by the incredible opportunity I have to help shape them. I am overwhelmed by how perfect and beautiful and powerful and wonderful they all are.
For a long time, I felt called to the children in my "backyard" as I like to say. The kids who are overlooked here in Shasta County. I felt called to pour out all of my love on the little ones I see each Sunday. It wasn't until about a month ago, when I heard of a team heading to Africa to serve in orphanages, that I felt God begin to tug on my heart to go. To leave, and serve His children in other nations. To experience his heart and his love for these kids, too! Once the idea invaded my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about it. About Africa, about the children there. About the kids with no moms and no dads, who needed this love that God has infused in my heart. So, that's exactly what I'm doing. For 12 days, I will be going to Africa to experience God's incredible love for the children there. Words don't do my excitement justice. I truly feel like God has been preparing me and my passion and my heart for this moment. Everyone keeps telling me that I will come back changed, and all I can say is I sure hope so. I can only hope and pray that God changes me in the greatest way possible.

As you can imagine, I was feeling so overwhelmed... and still kind of am, but I've begun to get some of the practical stuff taken care of. I got all of my paperwork submitted to the organization we (there are 6 others from the Stirring going on this trip!) are going through, Visiting Orphans. I have an appointment to get my passport all squared away. I am going in next week to begin chipping away at the long list of vaccinations I need to get in order to go, and return, healthy. I got my support letters out a few weeks ago, and am still trying to get them all delivered. If you're at all interested in supporting me through prayer or finances, I would love to get you more information! I still have about $2,500 to raise. $2,00 needs to be turned in by the end of May in order to book our plane tickets. Having faith with finances is a whole new world for me. I've always been able to provide for myself and the things I need, so depending on God and on the generosity of others is difficult, to say the least! But I can't even begin to tell you how INCREDIBLY generous people have been. I'm so thankful to be surrounded by people who not only love me, but love and support the dreams and passions God has given me.

I hope to use this blog to keep people up to date on my trip status, so keep checking in!

OH, I forgot to mention that my trip leader has selected me to be one of the group leader at the orphanages when we go. We are still figuring out what, exactly, this will look like but I'm so excited to have a bigger role to play with the children.

Wow, I can't believe I'm going to Africa...

Today is autism awareness day

I knew this little girl. I worked with her in her first grade class room. She was wild and passionate and kind and generous and sweet and sensitive and loud and playful and silly and wonderful. And she had autism. I will forever be changed by that little girl. She would greet me with the greatest hug each and every day. Some days were harder for her. She would struggle and stumble and cry and disobey and make poor choices. But my love for her never stopped growing. The way she fought. The way she never gave up. She was only 6 years old, but she taught me what it meant to persevere.

Did you know that around 1 in 88 children has been identified with autism spectrum disorder? Did you know that more children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with AIDS, diabetes & cancer combined? Did you know that autism is the fastest-growing serious developmental disability in the U.S? Autism has gripped my heart. This little girl, along with other boys and girls with autism, have captured my heart. And I will not stop praying, stop crying out to God, stop fighting, until I see autism gone. Each week at church, we read the Lord's Prayer. When we get to the part in it that says "Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven" the faces of these little ones come to my mind. I beg God, I plead and cry to him to let HIS will be done in their minds. To let Heaven come in their lives. I have faith that I will see it happen. I have faith that I will see autism-free schools and playgrounds and classrooms. I have faith that Heaven will come, and it will mean no more autism. Until that day, I will spread awareness. I will talk about the kind, goofy, lovely first grader who captured my heart. I will talk about the handsome, funny, darling little boy who I see every Sunday, full of life and hope. I will keep praying.

Today is autism awareness day.

Reminders.

I have a fancy iPhone.
One of the many perks of said phone is that I can set ANY picture I so desire as my background. So, every time I check the time, the phone rings, I get a text message, someone comments on something on one of my many Social Networking pages, I see this picture. It's safe to say that I see this picture rather frequently. I would say, on average, over 100 times a day. Now, you may be wondering why I'm sharing this seemingly unimportant information with you... the reason is this: Every time I see this picture, it reminds me to pray. You see, the picture I have as my background is frequently different, but always has one thing in common: children. It's not always the same children, but there is always a child of some shape or size in that picture. It reminds me to pray. To pray for the children in my life. The ones I know well, the ones I know not so well, the ones I see on Sundays, the ones I see on other days of the week. It reminds me to pray for their identity, to pray for their hearts, to pray for their innocence, to pray for their futures, to pray for their relationships with God. It reminds me that I have an incredible opportunity to shape a generation for a life with God. It reminds me that my time with them is precious, and that I should pray often for them.

Sof's face is the current face on my background. She's my reminder. I see her sweet face, and I'm reminded to pray.

The things I love...

In honor of Valentine's Day (even though it's long past now) I'd like to share with my faithful blog readers a few things that I love...
.I love making people laugh
.I love my crazy, head-butting, sometimes rude cat Rocky
.I love getting mail. Any kind of mail. E-mail, snail-mail, junk-mail... any of it! All of it!
.I love watching little children eat. The way their mouths work SO hard, the way their entire concentration goes directly to getting the food from their napkin to their mouth, the way silence falls in the classroom (the Toddler room in this case) when all of the children have their Goldfish crackers... except for Sof, of course. She's our humming girl :)
.I love meeting new people and hearing their stories.
.I love listening to children pray. There's such an innocence behind the prayers of children... it makes me laugh and even cry at times.
.I love writing about my day in my journal. I can be totally honest. No one will read it, my thoughts are safe there. Protected from judgment and criticism.
.I love my job
.I love my job
.I love my job - But really though, I love what I do.
.I love holding a sleeping baby
.I love the feeling I get after accomplishing my LONG runs on Saturday
.I love checking things off of my "to-do" list

I'm sure you can imagine that this list has the potential to go on, and on, and on... but I will stop here. What are some things that YOU love??

let's change the world!

Faith Hope Love

That's what I live by.
Hebrew's says "... faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see." Hebrews 11:1

I live to be the HOPE for our future- the main reason I'm going to school to become a teacher. I want to be the face of hope for the generation to come. I want to show them LOVE like they've never experienced it before. Unconditional love.

BUT IS THIS ENOUGH? Is it enough to go to school, get a credential, start teaching and pray to make an impression in at least one child's life? Is that enough? Lately I've been feeling like I'm not enough- not a good enough friend, not a smart enough student, not a nice enough teacher, not a wise enough person. Just simply NOT ENOUGH. Where does it come from? I mean, I seem to get pretty good grades, I would do just about anything for my friends... I just want to know what "enough" really looks like... am I enough, but I just don't really know it? I have big dreams folks. Big, huge, life-changing dreams for myself, and for this generation. How do I put it all into the works? And IS IT ENOUGH....

Random thoughts on a Tuesday night

I don't really know how I feel about spilling my guts on the internet, where anybody can read it. People I know and those I don't. People who know my heart, and people who are judging me. I just don't know how I feel about it. I find myself intending to be totally honest, but end up holding back a lot. 

Today was a strange day. I woke up around 8 and headed to Erika's house to keep some crazy kids entertained while their mom's chatted over an uninterrupted cup of coffee. The kids were rambunctious but we had a blast together. There is never a dull moment with them, but I always feel guilty leaving the Edwardson's home looking like a tornado just ripped through the place. Erika insists that "this is clean" but I know better! 

After hanging out with the kids, I headed to run some errands around town, but found myself driving aimlessly through parking lots and down random streets. I've been feeling like I've got too much going on in my head lately. I'm always thinking about something, and I don't seem to have any peace. I finally parked my car in the PetSmart parking lot, and made a few phone calls, trying to ease up some of the "stuff" i've got going on. By the time I was done, the clock told me I was about to be late for my lunch date. Carnegies never fails to help my mood. This time, however, I had to stuff my face at lightning speed, and jet to my staff meeting. Poor Meghan and Bethany were feeling sick (and Josiah too!!) so we kind of cut the meeting short. I was a bit bummed because most of the stuff swimming around in my head has to to with either the Stirring, the Stirring Kids, or just God in general. I'm feeling better though because I have a meeting set up with Nate and Bethany on Friday. Hopefully we can sort through some of this stuff. 

I'm feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I constantly get the feeling that I'm not doing a good enough job. Where do these feelings come from? It's like I go through waves of it. Sometimes it seems like everything is going smooth, then I get an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy for the position I'm filling. I continuously try to lean on God through all of this, but I'm afraid I'll end up flat on my face! I bottle it all up, and now things are about to really blow up. My stress level is through the roof. Ug, is school over yet? Thanks for listening to me vent about my day. Tomorrow will bring new things. Thank goodness for that.

Childhood

Today I colored. I spent at least 20 minutes with Caleb Caldwell coloring lovely pictures of dogs, flowers, army men, scary clowns, even a crazy looking bug! I can't remember the last time I just colored to color. I had forgotten just how much fun it is! We pulled out the crayons, and colored! Caleb likes to chat while he colors, which is amazing because what's better than good conversation and the smell of crayons? I think everybody should take a little time to color a picture. Childhood is a priceless thing. So carefree, so fresh and limitless. So today I colored, and I got a bit of my childhood back. Thanks Caleb, for coloring with me!!