Well, goodness. I’ve waited a long time to update on my
#emilydatesboulder adventures. It’s almost like that moment where you’ve
neglected your laundry for WAY too long, so you contemplate just throwing it
all away and buying a closet full of new clothes instead. No? That’s just me?
Okay, well in any case, I’ve waited a LONG time, so I will use the bullet-point
method of updated, and possibly elaborate on the really
“great/horrible/awful/funny/not funny in the moment” stories. Where to begin…
Oh, I know, let’s start with the kind/intense guy who I’m
pretty sure wanted to marry me on our first date. Here are some of the
highlights:
[NUMBER 1]
-
He picked me up (I know, “awww…”) which was
great, just kind of nerve-racking because I was STUCK with him. What if he was
a serial killer? Yeah, no transportation home people! Chivalry is wonderful,
unless it LITERALLY kills you.
-
He got lost, a few times, trying to find the
brewery he wanted to take me to.
-
Said brewery didn't’ serve food. I was starving.
I nixed that idea REAL quick.
-
He called me his “lucky charm” (insert Red Flag
number 1)
-
He tried to buy me a $500 jacked (aaaaand RF
number 2)
-
He told me he would (and I do quote) “Do
anything for you” after about 2.5 hours of knowing me.
-
Insisted on tickling me, even after I very, very
STERNLY (picture my best teacher voice here) told him I hated being tickled (by
a stranger, none the less!!!)
-
Asked me over 50 times (yes, I did count) if I
was “okay”. Maybe I looked angry? Or unhappy? I don’t know! I always think of
myself as an “I-smile-a-lot” kind of girl… who knows.
-
The end of the night rolls around, and he tells
me that he thinks I’m perfect. Yes, his words. Perfect. Yikes. I wanted to run
for the hills, but figured I say stupid stuff when I’m nervous… I decided to
give him another shot.
Okay, that sums up date number one. We talked on the phone
between date one and date two. He was incredibly intense with his phone
conversation topics. Lots of theology, lots of past relationship drama, lots of
what he wants in a wife. So, moving on to date two.
-
He picks me up (again). I’m less nervous, but
still nervous. If that’s allowed.
-
He takes me to a “surprise” restaurant. His
favorite. No pressure Emily.
-
It’s raining. He INSISTS on giving me his
jacket, even though I have a perfectly fine one. Now, in hind-site, I realize,
I should have just taken the damn jacket. Yes. I get it. He was trying to
“provide” for me. Whatever. It was SUPER awkward, and ended up with him
throwing the jacket at me. Not the most romantic thing ever. Plus I was already
soaking wet. Whatever.
-
Conversation at dinner was all good and well
until I asked where he was planning to live once he sold the house he’s living
in (which he was getting ready to sell, obviously). His reply went a little
something like this: “Well Emily, you have a lot to do with that. I could see
myself moving to Longmont (he was currently living about 30 minutes south of
Longmont) to live closer to you. I could also see myself sitting on a porch
swing, drinking wine, talking about our grandchildren with you.”
Wait, WHAT?! Grandchildren? Porch swing? What
the? (insert about 100 Red Flags at this point!)
So, the rest of the night was kind of a blur because I was
seriously wigging out about how this guy had already named our unborn, never-going-to-exist
children. I probably should have just called it quits at this point, but I’m an
eternal optimist, and decided maybe ONE more chance for him. Well, he set up a
date with me, bailed last minute, and I haven’t heard from him since. SUPER
sketchy and kind of a jerk move, but maybe better for both of us in the long
run?
[NUMBER 2]
My next date is summed up with two words: Multiple felonies.
Yes, about 20 minutes into our 5+ hour-long date, felonies
guy decides to let me know that he has a parole officer and is almost done with
probation from his MULTIPLE FELONIES! It was a fun date (Rockies baseball game)
and he was a nice guy (aside from cussing at a man that was old enough to be my
grandpa, and being a total macho-man by racing any and every car that pulled up
next to us) but he was a “one and done” kind of deal. He wasn’t really my kind
of guy, felonies aside. I’m looking for someone with a bit more compassion.
This guy had zero. He called me a “total baby” because I said I was cold. It
was FREAKING FREEZING at the game. He also made fun of my car the entire time.
Just by the sight of his truck (did I mention it was GIANT, like this huge,
lifted, diesel truck? Yeah, it was) I could tell he had a complex about cars.
So, the date ended with a hug and an “I’ll call you” but we haven’t spoken
since. I guess my record was just too clean (I'm only joking! He wasn't an all-around bad guy!!!!). Or maybe my car was a deal-breaker for him? I'm not sure, but I think it's probably for the best...
My most recent date was with a nice soccer-loving, comic
book enthusiast. He had great taste in music, and a great sense of humor! He
took me to coffee and then to dinner and then dropped off the face of the
earth. I’m talking radio silent status. He just vanished. I mean, I thought
things were going well, but apparently I was wrong. Which is FINE, I just wish,
wish, WISH he had the nerve to tell me that! It just isn’t very honoring, but
then again, he was a stranger so maybe he’s not an honoring guy to begin with!
What I’ve learned from these past dates:
-
Don’t compromise your “non-negotiables”: With
all of these guys, I was willing to settle for “good-enough” because the guys
were (seemingly) interested in me. It’s been kind of amazing that these guys
have all just dropped off the face of the dating world because it forces me to
remember that I don’t have to settle. I’m allowed to wait for God’s highest for
me.
-
Always meet them there: Just remember, SERIAL
KILLER. You never know.
-
Be honest: I know that I’m not the only one who
values honesty. I guess I should lead in it.
-
Scarcity makes you settle: Just because he’s
into me doesn’t mean I have to go on another date with him.
-
Adventure = amazing stories: While I would
classify all of these as failed dates, I have to remember that it’s part of the
journey. These stories are super hilarious. I didn’t do many of them justice.
Please, ask me to elaborate and I will. I couldn’t make this stuff up!!! This is
a season of adventure and risk and saying “YES”, which will ultimately lead to
crazy and awkward and uncomfortable and SERIOUSLY funny stories! I just have to
remember that it’s a JOURNEY!
Everything gets easier, the more you do it: With every date I go on, the conversation and the hellos and goodbyes get easier. It gets to be more fun, even when they don't go anywhere! I realize that I sound like I'm complaining, but really, I'm having a great time with all of this.
So, now the question is: do I continue on this journey? My Christian
Mingle membership is up in July. I’ve been seriously debating just calling it
quits for a while, BUT I’ve committed to one full year of online dating… I
would love to have you all (all, what, 7 of you?) weigh in on this decision!
What are your thoughts/comments/questions?
Until next time #emilydatesboulder is off to conquer another
date!
