Sunday was a great day.
Loads of little feet running up and down the Stirring Kids hallway.
Hundreds of spunky kids ready for their morning. All full of energy and hope and potential.
I love Sundays.
I love saying hello to every one of those faces. Most of them return my hello with a wave or a shout or a high-five or a toothy grin.
These kids are what I live for. To show them the love the God has for them. To show them who they are in His eyes. To pour passion and love and dreams into their sweet, dear little minds.
Dan spoke on Sunday.
He always wrecks me. God pierces my heart through his words. Every time.
Something that Dan said this past Sunday truly challenged me. He said that not a single part of our story is wasted. Even the toughest times. Nothing is lost. God uses it all.
My first thought after hearing these words: Do I really believe this? Do I truly believe that EVERY part of my story, even the most painful, heartbreaking, agonizing parts, are used by God?
And as I looked back at my journey and the things I've overcome through the years, I would have to say yes. I believe that God was with me in EVERY part. That He will use everything. That my life shouts hope to those who are unsure. That the freedom I've found also comes with authority to speak that freedom over others. God never wanted me to suffer. He never wanted me to endure the hardships I have, BUT He will redeem it and use it and restore it. I want my life, my story, my journey to shout hope to others. I know that there is a reason for every season I've gone through. I know that God uses everything. That nothing is lost.
"You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." Psalm 139:16
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Tattoo
I got a new tattoo.
It's a beautiful anchor with waves
There's a banner at the bottom that reads Deuteronomy 31:8
The colors are vibrant
The artwork is breathtaking
The meaning behind it is even better
The last year of my life has been a crazy-hard season
So much pain, so much refinement, so much breakthrough
During this year, the Lord would faithfully speak Deuteronomy 31:8 to me. I would cry out to him, and he would answer me with this verse... "Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. The Lord himself goes before you. He will never leave you nor forsake you."
Without fail, God would respond to my cries with these words. And not as a reminder. Not telling me, REMEMBER Emily, I haven't left you. I won't forsake you.
But instead, as a promise. A promise for the days to come. Because He knew I needed to push forward, not look behind me. He was telling me that I could make it, that he wouldn't ever leave me. He was making a promise to me, just as Moses was making a promise to Joshua.
The meaning behind the anchor is simple; anchors symbolize hope. This verse was my source of hope in the darkest days. My hope that God was still with me, that I didn't need to be afraid.
Also, a wise man tells me often that I am an anchor to those around me. And his words carry a lot of weight in my life.
My tattoo is beautiful, yes. It is an AMAZING work of art. But it has so much meaning to me. I look at it, and my eyes fill with tears. God brought me through those painful, dark days just as he promised. And he never once left my side.
I am every so thankful for my great God who fulfills his promises.
It's a beautiful anchor with waves
There's a banner at the bottom that reads Deuteronomy 31:8
The colors are vibrant
The artwork is breathtaking
The meaning behind it is even better
The last year of my life has been a crazy-hard season
So much pain, so much refinement, so much breakthrough
During this year, the Lord would faithfully speak Deuteronomy 31:8 to me. I would cry out to him, and he would answer me with this verse... "Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. The Lord himself goes before you. He will never leave you nor forsake you."
Without fail, God would respond to my cries with these words. And not as a reminder. Not telling me, REMEMBER Emily, I haven't left you. I won't forsake you.
But instead, as a promise. A promise for the days to come. Because He knew I needed to push forward, not look behind me. He was telling me that I could make it, that he wouldn't ever leave me. He was making a promise to me, just as Moses was making a promise to Joshua.
The meaning behind the anchor is simple; anchors symbolize hope. This verse was my source of hope in the darkest days. My hope that God was still with me, that I didn't need to be afraid.
Also, a wise man tells me often that I am an anchor to those around me. And his words carry a lot of weight in my life.
My tattoo is beautiful, yes. It is an AMAZING work of art. But it has so much meaning to me. I look at it, and my eyes fill with tears. God brought me through those painful, dark days just as he promised. And he never once left my side.
I am every so thankful for my great God who fulfills his promises.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Thankful Thursday
I'm bringing back Thankful Thursday.
One day during the busy week to pause, reflect, and give thanks. Sounds like perfection to me.
Today, I know exactly what I'm thankful for.
Today is an easy one.
I was uploading pictures to my computer from my phone. I hadn't done this in a WHILE, so there were a lot. As I began to scroll through them, I found myself in tears. In this collection of random pictures (many, okay MOSTLY of children) I kept running across pictures of the Stirring building in various stages of the process. A picture of the Kids hallway before the ceiling was up and the counter top was installed. A shot of one of my Stirring Kids girls painting the girl's bathroom. Another one of a crew putting together a bazillion IKEA cabinets. A picture of our move-out day from the Eureka Way campus where Sean is sprawled out in the Storage Room (who knew there was actually carpet in that room?! I sure didn't!). A picture of each classroom on our last Sunday at that campus. A great shot of the classrooms prior to opening Sunday in the new building. Then there is picture after picture of the kids flooding the hallway of the Kids wing.
Chills.
I am so thankful for the process. For the road. For the journey.
I remember the hard work of setting up and tearing down Sunday after Sunday at the Eureka Way campus. I remember transforming ordinary classrooms into extraordinary places for kids to encounter God. I remember how difficult it was trying to prepare and organize the new space and make sense of ACTUALLY having our "own house." It was hard to go from living out of a suitcase (so to speak) to actually having a closet... The endless hours of cleaning and sorting and organizing and building and answering questions and building teams. It was a tireless couple of weeks.
But then I also remember the look of awe and excitement in the eyes of the kids as they came busting into the Stirring Kids hallway. I remember overhearing parents telling each other of how their kids were up HOURS early, getting ready to come to the NEW Church. I remember the wonder on the faces of those kids as they saw their classrooms for the very first time.
I wouldn't change the process for anything. Without the sacrifice and the hard work, the reward wouldn't be nearly as beautiful.
Don't forget to be thankful for the process. Even if it's hard and difficult and tiresome. Don't forget to be thankful for the process. (Here are all of the pictures... well, not ALL of them, but some of my FAVES.... enjoy!!!)
One day during the busy week to pause, reflect, and give thanks. Sounds like perfection to me.
Today, I know exactly what I'm thankful for.
Today is an easy one.
I was uploading pictures to my computer from my phone. I hadn't done this in a WHILE, so there were a lot. As I began to scroll through them, I found myself in tears. In this collection of random pictures (many, okay MOSTLY of children) I kept running across pictures of the Stirring building in various stages of the process. A picture of the Kids hallway before the ceiling was up and the counter top was installed. A shot of one of my Stirring Kids girls painting the girl's bathroom. Another one of a crew putting together a bazillion IKEA cabinets. A picture of our move-out day from the Eureka Way campus where Sean is sprawled out in the Storage Room (who knew there was actually carpet in that room?! I sure didn't!). A picture of each classroom on our last Sunday at that campus. A great shot of the classrooms prior to opening Sunday in the new building. Then there is picture after picture of the kids flooding the hallway of the Kids wing.
Chills.
I am so thankful for the process. For the road. For the journey.
I remember the hard work of setting up and tearing down Sunday after Sunday at the Eureka Way campus. I remember transforming ordinary classrooms into extraordinary places for kids to encounter God. I remember how difficult it was trying to prepare and organize the new space and make sense of ACTUALLY having our "own house." It was hard to go from living out of a suitcase (so to speak) to actually having a closet... The endless hours of cleaning and sorting and organizing and building and answering questions and building teams. It was a tireless couple of weeks.
But then I also remember the look of awe and excitement in the eyes of the kids as they came busting into the Stirring Kids hallway. I remember overhearing parents telling each other of how their kids were up HOURS early, getting ready to come to the NEW Church. I remember the wonder on the faces of those kids as they saw their classrooms for the very first time.
I wouldn't change the process for anything. Without the sacrifice and the hard work, the reward wouldn't be nearly as beautiful.
Don't forget to be thankful for the process. Even if it's hard and difficult and tiresome. Don't forget to be thankful for the process. (Here are all of the pictures... well, not ALL of them, but some of my FAVES.... enjoy!!!)
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
When I don't understand...
I've been listening to the new album lately. It's a couple that were signed to the Jesus Culture label, and let me tell you, their music is incredible. One song in particular really speaks to me. At one point in this song, the lyrics are so simple but extremely profound to me: "When I don't understand, I will choose you..."
That's it.
That's all she says.
Over and over.
And each time I hear this song, I am in tears.
When I don't understand, do I choose to believe? Or do I choose to control?
That's been my prayer, to choose God, even when I don't understand.
Because there are SO many things in my life that I don't understand.
Why am I still single? At the age of 26. Why haven't I fallen in love, and started a family? It's one of the greatest desires of my heart. So why hasn't it happened yet?
Why is my past peppered with such pain and heart break and destruction and trauma and tragedy?
Why do I still struggle with things God has given me freedom from?
Will I ALWAYS struggle?
And the list goes on... there are so many things I don't understand. But I want to be known as a woman who trusts God, and chooses him when I don't understand. I want to be known for celebrating in the times when I don't understand. I want to choose God and choose celebration, even when things don't make a ton of sense to me.
So, instead of trying to control the things in my life that don't make sense or that I don't understand, I am choosing God. Trusting that his way is better than mine. That his plan is greater than mine. That he is good, ALL of the time. That there isn't one single detail he has overlooked. Psalm 139 is one of my very favorites. It always remind me and center me. Verse 16 is one that I love, and that makes a lot of sense to me right now... "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." Not just the easy moments. Every moment. And so, even in the moments that I don't totally get it, and I don't totally understand, I will choose God.
That's it.
That's all she says.
Over and over.
And each time I hear this song, I am in tears.
When I don't understand, do I choose to believe? Or do I choose to control?
That's been my prayer, to choose God, even when I don't understand.
Because there are SO many things in my life that I don't understand.
Why am I still single? At the age of 26. Why haven't I fallen in love, and started a family? It's one of the greatest desires of my heart. So why hasn't it happened yet?
Why is my past peppered with such pain and heart break and destruction and trauma and tragedy?
Why do I still struggle with things God has given me freedom from?
Will I ALWAYS struggle?
And the list goes on... there are so many things I don't understand. But I want to be known as a woman who trusts God, and chooses him when I don't understand. I want to be known for celebrating in the times when I don't understand. I want to choose God and choose celebration, even when things don't make a ton of sense to me.
So, instead of trying to control the things in my life that don't make sense or that I don't understand, I am choosing God. Trusting that his way is better than mine. That his plan is greater than mine. That he is good, ALL of the time. That there isn't one single detail he has overlooked. Psalm 139 is one of my very favorites. It always remind me and center me. Verse 16 is one that I love, and that makes a lot of sense to me right now... "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." Not just the easy moments. Every moment. And so, even in the moments that I don't totally get it, and I don't totally understand, I will choose God.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
My "Yes"
For me it was easy; choose a life with God that may be uncomfortable and scary and unpredictable and incredibly painful at times OR choose the life I was living. One of destruction and abuse and addiction.
For me it was easy. I said yes to God in a moment. In a room full of women, women who I didn't know, I said yes to God, a God I didn't know either. I began to confess the sin I had been living in for years, that NO ONE knew about. I wasn't exactly sure why I was telling these strangers my deepest, darkest, most protected and guarded secrets, but I knew I could trust them.
When I look back on this moment, I recognize that it was my first TRUE encounter with God. He was there in that living room, pushing me toward His heart, urging me to be vulnerable and honest and real with these women who He wanted to use in my life.
From that moment, when I said yes to God, I haven't looked back. Sure, there have been moments when I have wondered if life would be "easier" living in the shadows and the darkness again. But then I remember all of the celebration-worthy things in my life. And those thoughts vanish.
My "yes" to God was an easy one, but it hasn't always pretty and tidy and perfect. In fact, it's been just the opposite. It's been messy and incredibly hard. God doesn't just want part of us, he wants all of us. He wants the most secret, protected, scary parts of us. In the past year I've walked through some insane stuff. And it's been agonizing and heartbreaking, but in the midst of the pain God has brought healing and freedom and redemption. These are the celebration-worth things I cling to. I know that, as I continue to say yes to God, he will continue to refine me and make me more like Him. It's probably the hardest thing I'll ever go through, but it's an easy yes for me. And I say yes everyday to him. I'm reading this book, and found this quote. It spoke so perfectly to my life and my season. I wanted to share it:
"As Christians we know, in theory at least, that in the life of a child of God there are no second causes, that even the most unjust and cruel things, as well as all seemingly pointless and undeserving sufferings, have been permitted by God as a glorious opportunity for us to react to them in such a way that our Lord and Savior is able to produce in us, little by little, his own lovely character."
For me it was easy. I said yes to God in a moment. In a room full of women, women who I didn't know, I said yes to God, a God I didn't know either. I began to confess the sin I had been living in for years, that NO ONE knew about. I wasn't exactly sure why I was telling these strangers my deepest, darkest, most protected and guarded secrets, but I knew I could trust them.
When I look back on this moment, I recognize that it was my first TRUE encounter with God. He was there in that living room, pushing me toward His heart, urging me to be vulnerable and honest and real with these women who He wanted to use in my life.
From that moment, when I said yes to God, I haven't looked back. Sure, there have been moments when I have wondered if life would be "easier" living in the shadows and the darkness again. But then I remember all of the celebration-worthy things in my life. And those thoughts vanish.
My "yes" to God was an easy one, but it hasn't always pretty and tidy and perfect. In fact, it's been just the opposite. It's been messy and incredibly hard. God doesn't just want part of us, he wants all of us. He wants the most secret, protected, scary parts of us. In the past year I've walked through some insane stuff. And it's been agonizing and heartbreaking, but in the midst of the pain God has brought healing and freedom and redemption. These are the celebration-worth things I cling to. I know that, as I continue to say yes to God, he will continue to refine me and make me more like Him. It's probably the hardest thing I'll ever go through, but it's an easy yes for me. And I say yes everyday to him. I'm reading this book, and found this quote. It spoke so perfectly to my life and my season. I wanted to share it:
"As Christians we know, in theory at least, that in the life of a child of God there are no second causes, that even the most unjust and cruel things, as well as all seemingly pointless and undeserving sufferings, have been permitted by God as a glorious opportunity for us to react to them in such a way that our Lord and Savior is able to produce in us, little by little, his own lovely character."
Thursday, August 18, 2011
My secret...
I have this jar on my desk.
It's my Celebration jar.
It holds about 40 strips of paper.
On those strips of paper are my favorite verses, quotes, words of encouragement... things that help me. Things that remind me to Celebrate.
When I'm having a hard day, I reach my had in that jar and pull out a strip of paper.
When things are kind of sucky, I pull out a strip of paper.
When I need a good laugh (there MAY be a Chuck Norris joke or two in there), I grab a strip of that paper.
Pretty much, every day my hand is in that jar.
Usually, the words that I read are exactly what I needed to hear. So I tend to share them with the world (via Twitter/Facebook... guilty).
In the past few days, people have responded to my posts, telling me the words I've been sharing are EXACTLY the words they needed. My big secret is this- those words are exactly the words I needed, too. God has a great way of giving me exactly the words I need to hear.
I'm convinced EVERYONE needs a Celebration Jar on their desk/counter-top/bed-side table. It's easy: Find a jar, fill it with your favorite verses (and a joke or two), reach your hand in when you need to celebrate.
That's my secret :)
It's my Celebration jar.
It holds about 40 strips of paper.
On those strips of paper are my favorite verses, quotes, words of encouragement... things that help me. Things that remind me to Celebrate.
When I'm having a hard day, I reach my had in that jar and pull out a strip of paper.
When things are kind of sucky, I pull out a strip of paper.
When I need a good laugh (there MAY be a Chuck Norris joke or two in there), I grab a strip of that paper.
Pretty much, every day my hand is in that jar.
Usually, the words that I read are exactly what I needed to hear. So I tend to share them with the world (via Twitter/Facebook... guilty).
In the past few days, people have responded to my posts, telling me the words I've been sharing are EXACTLY the words they needed. My big secret is this- those words are exactly the words I needed, too. God has a great way of giving me exactly the words I need to hear.
I'm convinced EVERYONE needs a Celebration Jar on their desk/counter-top/bed-side table. It's easy: Find a jar, fill it with your favorite verses (and a joke or two), reach your hand in when you need to celebrate.
That's my secret :)
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Kids: My love.
If you know me, you know I love children. I love the way their minds work, and the way they love with their WHOLE hearts, and the way they say what they're thinking, and the way they hug your legs like it's the last time they'll see you, and they way they write you love notes.
I love kids.
They capture my heart.
I feel the most alive when I'm around kids.
God has been really bringing this passion to life in my heart lately. My constant prayer is for this generation of children to truly and completely know their identity in Christ. That they would be so deeply rooted in HIS love, that they would never question their place in this family. Wouldn't that change everything? If an entire generation grew up knowing that their Father's love is never-ending, never-failing and all-consuming. If they knew that they belonged with God, and that nothing ever can or will take that away from them. I have such faith for this. I just know that I will get to see this in my day. I will get to see these boys and girls grow up into men and women and I will get to see them step into their callings, knowing that their identity is completely rooted in who God says they are.
I love the fact that, as I pray, I get to pray for the faces of these little ones. As I ask God to capture their hearts, I see their amazing smiles. I get to pray for them by name. I get to ask God to change their lives. What a treat. I am constantly moved to tears thinking about what an honor it is to join with God and the families at the Stirring in the shaping of their children.
I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, God has given me the story he has to keep my heart extra sensitive to these little ones. I grew up with my identity rooted in many things, none of which were God. I never truly felt like I belonged. Anywhere. It drastically changed the way I lived my life, and not in a good way. Thankfully, God rescued me. He gave me a new identity and a new song to sing. One full of joy and love and belonging. What if ever child we see at the Stirring never has to experience that? What if they knew in their heart and their mind that they are a child of God, and that who He says they are is all that matters? Wouldn't that just be the most beautiful thing ever?
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