Mail.

I've been struggling with this feeling lately. It's like when you come home from vacation, and you have a GIANT stack of mail waiting for you.
Some good mail, some bad mail.
All you REALLY want to do is toss every single piece of it in the garbage, and walk away.
It would be so much easier.
It would take so much less time.
It wouldn't be frustrating or hard to just throw the mail away. But you know you'd be missing out on some good stuff if you tossed it all out. Because with the bad comes good.
It's true.
I know it's true.
But the place where I get stuck is just feeling so overwhelmed by all of it.
Where do I start?
How do I know which piece to look at first?
Do I pull from the middle of the pile, or the top?
There's just so much... and even though I know the good stuff is in there, all I can see is the bad and hard and messy mail.
And it's discouraging.
That's been the struggle lately... facing my mail. One piece at a time.
Some pieces are harder than others, but I know that with the bad comes good. With the pain comes healing.

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Fathers.

Viewing God as my father has always been a struggle for me. The lens I view a father through is a dysfunctional, painful one. A lens with a lot of hurt and a lot of confusion. So when I cry out to God as his daughter, there is an immediate distortion, followed by an immediate hesitation. I begin to pile on to God all of the attributes of my biological father. His short temper and impatience with me. His lack of compassion and love and tenderness. His indifference. His passivity. His lack of interest.
These are the things I unfairly associate with a father, and therefore, with God.
Last night, there was a call for prayer at the end of our 6:00 gathering at the Stirring. Derrick called forward people who felt they had a skewed view of the Father, and who needed to hear they were the Beloved Child of God. The longer I stood there, the clearer it was that I needed to have a specific leader pray for me. Stubbornly, I took my time but did eventually make it over to Sean. I gave him a brief summary of what was going on with me, and his response was simple. "Emily, you wouldn't be the person you are today if your dad was your only Father. You are who you are today because God is your Father first."
Such a simple truth, but something I'd never given much thought to.
Without God, I would not be where I am. I would not have the job that I have, the passions that I have, the family that I have... I would be a completely different person. It is clear that I am the Beloved daughter of the King because of the way he has transformed my life. And while I'm sure it will be an ongoing struggle for me to see clearly through the "God-Is-My-Father" lens, I know that I am deeply loved by my Father. And that's a start, right?

30 Days of Celebration

A few things I love:
-Grape flavored bubble gum
-Sticky notes
-Valentine's Day
-Fresh flowers
-Coffee. Always coffee.
-Hugs
-Mistletoe :)
-Love notes
-Love letters
-Love stories
-Love
-Bright colors
-Chocolate
-Surprises
-Giving gifts
-Laughing
-Kisses from kids I love the most
-Learning something new

Today I'm celebrating some of the little things in my life that make me the most happy.

30 Days of Celebration

Last Sunday, Aaron brought an incredible word about how we SHOUT with our stories. Our stories shout where we've been, who we're becoming, what we stand for, how we've been hurt and how we've been healed. Our stories should shout the loudest. God has given me a story to shout. He's still adding to it. Sometimes it's hard. And it hurts. But I know that I get to choose to hide my story or shout my story. I choose to shout it every time. Sure it's a long story, sure it's messy and parts of it are hard to hear, but it's a story about a life changed. About God rescuing one of his children. It's a story full of hope. And people need to hear stories full of hope and God's mighty love. That's why I shout my story. And that's what I'm celebrating today. My shout.

30 Days of Celebration

I've been keeping a little list in my notebook of the things I want to include in my blog everyday. Things that I find myself celebrating throughout the day. Here are a few of them:
-Music. I love music. I love the way a song can bring back such vivid memories, it's almost like you're reliving a moment. And the way the lyrics of a song seem to connect with a piece of your heart in a way nothing else can. Music is powerful and important and changes everything.
-Compliments. Have you ever watched a person receive a compliment from a stranger? There's something so wonderful about the way a few kind words can bring someone to life. I always try to be generous with my compliments.
-Encouragement. It's along the same lines as compliments, but encouragement is different. It speaks to the soul of a person. It speaks courage into the deepest parts of a person. I love to encourage others. I love to see what they're good at, or the ways God has gifted them and remind them of it as frequently as possible. Life is too short to be bashful. If I see something special in a person, chances are I'm going to tell them about it. Remind them about it as often as I can. I've found that nine times out of ten, it's exactly what that person needed to hear. An encouraging word goes a long way. And I've noticed that the more I encourage, the more encouraged and alive I feel. It's really a fantastic feeling!
-Passion. There's something so contagious about a person who is passionate. I recently went to this show where a band was playing. They're style of music was far from anything I'd choose to listen to, but the strangest thing happened: As they continued to play, I began to fall in love with them. Not because I loved their music, buy because of the passion they possessed and the way they poured every ounce of that passion into their music. Isn't it so inspiring to meet someone who is absolutely enthralled and passionate about their job or their hobby or their children or their loved one? You can't help but want to be part of what they're part of.

That's all I've got for today. I can't wait to see what celebrations tomorrow brings!

30 Days of Celebration

So I've fallen behind a little bit. Don't judge me. :) If you're just reading my blog for the first time in a while, check out this blog to see what I'm up to.
Here are the things I'm celebrating today:
1. Dancing: I can't really dance to save my life. I love it. It makes me laugh and smile and have a great time but I look like a goof doing it... which is the best part :)
2. Girlfriends: I love piling into the car, blasting some Taylor Swift, driving around town and laughing uncontrollably. We have fun.
3. Good books: I love reading. I love finding a good book that I can't put down. I love FINISHING a good book and moving on to the next one. I love that I have time to read!

4. Seasons: The great thing about the winter is that it's followed by the spring, when flowers bloom and beauty sweeps over the earth. We all go through our winter seasons, but the most beautiful times ALWAYS follow the winter.
5. Mondays: They are my sabbath. I get to sleep in, sip coffee, read books, and altogether relax on Mondays. They are my day to recharge, recenter, and rest. Hooray for Mondays.



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Day 6

Today, I have a lot to celebrate. Yesterday was one of those days. Where you can't see around the junk. Where you can't remember why you're celebrating in the first place. I had a bad day yesterday. But today, today is a different story. My heart is full of joy. My step is full of bounce, my eyes are full of excitement. Today is a good day. Here's what I'm celebrating today:
1. The hard days. Sometimes, you have to take a moment and cheer, shout, clap, remember, honor and embrace the hard days. Yesterday was a hard day but today I celebrate it because today is a lovely day. And I want to remember the celebration more than the hardness of the day.
2. Simple pleasures. I'm a pretty simple girl. It doesn't take much to get me super jazzed about life. I love the simple things in life. Like eating lunch in the park with your friends. And driving around with the sunroof open and the windows down singing Taylor Swift at the top of your lungs. And making a new friend. And doing something for the very first time. And surprising a friend with a sweet little gift. I love the simple things in life.
3. Over coming fears. I hate trains. Hate them. And feet. Yuck. But there's something so wonderful about overcoming fears, no matter how small. Like when I see a train and don't immediately want to throw up and scream and cry all at the same time. Or like when someone accidentally brushes me with their feet and I don't noticeably shutter. These are things to celebrate!
4. Jokes. I love jokes. People don't tell jokes enough. Do people EVER tell jokes? I love jokes and I celebrate them. ALL the time. At one point, we had a HUGE bowl of Laffy Taffys in the office, and I took the time to daily read at least 4 of the Laffy Taffy jokes. So good. I think I like cheesy jokes the best. I also like Chuck Norris jokes. It's true. Whenever I hear a good joke, I like to celebrate it. Anybody have a good joke for me?
5. New goals. I like to set goals for myself. I love it when I find a new goal to set. I've found one. Maybe one day I'll share it with you. :) :)