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Friday, June 27, 2014

Five dates, three men, multiple felonies #EmilyDatesBoulder

Well, goodness. I’ve waited a long time to update on my #emilydatesboulder adventures. It’s almost like that moment where you’ve neglected your laundry for WAY too long, so you contemplate just throwing it all away and buying a closet full of new clothes instead. No? That’s just me? Okay, well in any case, I’ve waited a LONG time, so I will use the bullet-point method of updated, and possibly elaborate on the really “great/horrible/awful/funny/not funny in the moment” stories. Where to begin…
Oh, I know, let’s start with the kind/intense guy who I’m pretty sure wanted to marry me on our first date. Here are some of the highlights:

[NUMBER 1]
-       He picked me up (I know, “awww…”) which was great, just kind of nerve-racking because I was STUCK with him. What if he was a serial killer? Yeah, no transportation home people! Chivalry is wonderful, unless it LITERALLY kills you.
-       He got lost, a few times, trying to find the brewery he wanted to take me to.
-       Said brewery didn't’ serve food. I was starving. I nixed that idea REAL quick.
-       He called me his “lucky charm” (insert Red Flag number 1)
-       He tried to buy me a $500 jacked (aaaaand RF number 2)
-       He told me he would (and I do quote) “Do anything for you” after about 2.5 hours of knowing me.
-       Insisted on tickling me, even after I very, very STERNLY (picture my best teacher voice here) told him I hated being tickled (by a stranger, none the less!!!)
-       Asked me over 50 times (yes, I did count) if I was “okay”. Maybe I looked angry? Or unhappy? I don’t know! I always think of myself as an “I-smile-a-lot” kind of girl… who knows.
-       The end of the night rolls around, and he tells me that he thinks I’m perfect. Yes, his words. Perfect. Yikes. I wanted to run for the hills, but figured I say stupid stuff when I’m nervous… I decided to give him another shot.

[NUMBER 1.5]
Okay, that sums up date number one. We talked on the phone between date one and date two. He was incredibly intense with his phone conversation topics. Lots of theology, lots of past relationship drama, lots of what he wants in a wife. So, moving on to date two.
-       He picks me up (again). I’m less nervous, but still nervous. If that’s allowed.
-       He takes me to a “surprise” restaurant. His favorite. No pressure Emily.
-       It’s raining. He INSISTS on giving me his jacket, even though I have a perfectly fine one. Now, in hind-site, I realize, I should have just taken the damn jacket. Yes. I get it. He was trying to “provide” for me. Whatever. It was SUPER awkward, and ended up with him throwing the jacket at me. Not the most romantic thing ever. Plus I was already soaking wet. Whatever.
-       Conversation at dinner was all good and well until I asked where he was planning to live once he sold the house he’s living in (which he was getting ready to sell, obviously). His reply went a little something like this: “Well Emily, you have a lot to do with that. I could see myself moving to Longmont (he was currently living about 30 minutes south of Longmont) to live closer to you. I could also see myself sitting on a porch swing, drinking wine, talking about our grandchildren with you.”
Wait, WHAT?! Grandchildren? Porch swing? What the? (insert about 100 Red Flags at this point!)
So, the rest of the night was kind of a blur because I was seriously wigging out about how this guy had already named our unborn, never-going-to-exist children. I probably should have just called it quits at this point, but I’m an eternal optimist, and decided maybe ONE more chance for him. Well, he set up a date with me, bailed last minute, and I haven’t heard from him since. SUPER sketchy and kind of a jerk move, but maybe better for both of us in the long run?

[NUMBER 2]
My next date is summed up with two words: Multiple felonies.
Yes, about 20 minutes into our 5+ hour-long date, felonies guy decides to let me know that he has a parole officer and is almost done with probation from his MULTIPLE FELONIES! It was a fun date (Rockies baseball game) and he was a nice guy (aside from cussing at a man that was old enough to be my grandpa, and being a total macho-man by racing any and every car that pulled up next to us) but he was a “one and done” kind of deal. He wasn’t really my kind of guy, felonies aside. I’m looking for someone with a bit more compassion. This guy had zero. He called me a “total baby” because I said I was cold. It was FREAKING FREEZING at the game. He also made fun of my car the entire time. Just by the sight of his truck (did I mention it was GIANT, like this huge, lifted, diesel truck? Yeah, it was) I could tell he had a complex about cars. So, the date ended with a hug and an “I’ll call you” but we haven’t spoken since. I guess my record was just too clean (I'm only joking! He wasn't an all-around bad guy!!!!). Or maybe my car was a deal-breaker for him? I'm not sure, but I think it's probably for the best... 

[NUMBER 3]
My most recent date was with a nice soccer-loving, comic book enthusiast. He had great taste in music, and a great sense of humor! He took me to coffee and then to dinner and then dropped off the face of the earth. I’m talking radio silent status. He just vanished. I mean, I thought things were going well, but apparently I was wrong. Which is FINE, I just wish, wish, WISH he had the nerve to tell me that! It just isn’t very honoring, but then again, he was a stranger so maybe he’s not an honoring guy to begin with!

What I’ve learned from these past dates:
-       Don’t compromise your “non-negotiables”: With all of these guys, I was willing to settle for “good-enough” because the guys were (seemingly) interested in me. It’s been kind of amazing that these guys have all just dropped off the face of the dating world because it forces me to remember that I don’t have to settle. I’m allowed to wait for God’s highest for me.
-       Always meet them there: Just remember, SERIAL KILLER. You never know.
-       Be honest: I know that I’m not the only one who values honesty. I guess I should lead in it.
-       Scarcity makes you settle: Just because he’s into me doesn’t mean I have to go on another date with him.
-       Adventure = amazing stories: While I would classify all of these as failed dates, I have to remember that it’s part of the journey. These stories are super hilarious. I didn’t do many of them justice. Please, ask me to elaborate and I will. I couldn’t make this stuff up!!! This is a season of adventure and risk and saying “YES”, which will ultimately lead to crazy and awkward and uncomfortable and SERIOUSLY funny stories! I just have to remember that it’s a JOURNEY! 
     Everything gets easier, the more you do it: With every date I go on, the conversation and the hellos and goodbyes get easier. It gets to be more fun, even when they don't go anywhere! I realize that I sound like I'm complaining, but really, I'm having a great time with all of this. 


So, now the question is: do I continue on this journey? My Christian Mingle membership is up in July. I’ve been seriously debating just calling it quits for a while, BUT I’ve committed to one full year of online dating… I would love to have you all (all, what, 7 of you?) weigh in on this decision! What are your thoughts/comments/questions?


Until next time #emilydatesboulder is off to conquer another date!

5 comments:

Coach Sheryl said...

You deserve so much better than this! Glad you are not settling.

Shelby said...

I still say you should've gotten the GoLite while the getting was good. I mean, payment for emotional distress you endured.

Georgia said...

Oh Em!! Keep it up!!! Every lesson learned is bringing you closer to the one God has for you! Just think of it as you're being "refined." :) You DO NOT have to settle. I'm so glad you know that!!

Juliette said...

Reading this made my night dear friend- only because you are dreaming hilarious, not, of course, because you endured such craziness with these guys. But you're right; these are great stories. Really reminds me of How I Met Your Mother... You ever watch that? It's all leading up to the really, really, really great story about you meeting HIM. It's gonna happen, it's gonna be great!

Juliette said...

Oops! Freaking hilarious, not dreaming hilarious! Ha!

 
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