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Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Random thoughts on a Tuesday night

I don't really know how I feel about spilling my guts on the internet, where anybody can read it. People I know and those I don't. People who know my heart, and people who are judging me. I just don't know how I feel about it. I find myself intending to be totally honest, but end up holding back a lot. 

Today was a strange day. I woke up around 8 and headed to Erika's house to keep some crazy kids entertained while their mom's chatted over an uninterrupted cup of coffee. The kids were rambunctious but we had a blast together. There is never a dull moment with them, but I always feel guilty leaving the Edwardson's home looking like a tornado just ripped through the place. Erika insists that "this is clean" but I know better! 

After hanging out with the kids, I headed to run some errands around town, but found myself driving aimlessly through parking lots and down random streets. I've been feeling like I've got too much going on in my head lately. I'm always thinking about something, and I don't seem to have any peace. I finally parked my car in the PetSmart parking lot, and made a few phone calls, trying to ease up some of the "stuff" i've got going on. By the time I was done, the clock told me I was about to be late for my lunch date. Carnegies never fails to help my mood. This time, however, I had to stuff my face at lightning speed, and jet to my staff meeting. Poor Meghan and Bethany were feeling sick (and Josiah too!!) so we kind of cut the meeting short. I was a bit bummed because most of the stuff swimming around in my head has to to with either the Stirring, the Stirring Kids, or just God in general. I'm feeling better though because I have a meeting set up with Nate and Bethany on Friday. Hopefully we can sort through some of this stuff. 

I'm feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I constantly get the feeling that I'm not doing a good enough job. Where do these feelings come from? It's like I go through waves of it. Sometimes it seems like everything is going smooth, then I get an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy for the position I'm filling. I continuously try to lean on God through all of this, but I'm afraid I'll end up flat on my face! I bottle it all up, and now things are about to really blow up. My stress level is through the roof. Ug, is school over yet? Thanks for listening to me vent about my day. Tomorrow will bring new things. Thank goodness for that.

3 comments:

Candace said...

Emily,

I've been noticing a trend lately of a lot of people feeling like they aren't good enough. I don't know if it's really happening more or if I'm just noticing it more. Either way, I believe with all my heart that it's an attack from the enemy. But God wants you to know that he is cheering for you. That he believes in you and that he is proud of you. You are an amazing woman of God and your heart is full and beautiful. You are a HUGE blessing to all the Moms and kids at the Stirring. We appreciate you so very much.

Annie said...

I can't say it any better than Candace did. So, what she said. You are a HUGE blessing. Thank you.

Emily Faulknor Photography said...

Emily, you ARE an amazing and strong woman of God. You have taken on a very big task, but definitely one that you CAN handle and not only handle, but Excel at. You are awesome Emily, truly awesome. God is with you every step of the way and yes - resist the attacks of the evil one. He has NO victory over you at all! God has the victory and God has put you in this place of leadership and anointing for these children. You are a blessing!

 
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