Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Real Talk Tuesday: Plans

Real Talk Tuesday: Plans
(Check out the heart and idea behind Real Talk Tuesday here.)

Ever since I can remember, I've been a planner.
I like plans.
I like to sit down and map out my plans.
I like to know what's happening, when it's happening and how it's happening.
I like order.
I like control. (You're probably thinking I've got some issues. You are correct.)
For the last 9 months of my life, nothing has gone according to the plan.
I didn't plan to quit my job. The job that I LOVED, the job that I was good at. The job that I worked SO incredibly hard for 5 years to build and keep.
I didn't plan to leave my friends and family behind and move to Colorado.
I didn't plan to have to say some of the absolute HARDEST goodbyes of my life.
That was not the plan.
Some days, I am so full of anger and sadness and pain and bitterness. All I can think to myself over and over again is "This was NOT the plan..."
This was not the plan.
I've got a lot of forgiving to do.
I've got a lot of healing to do.
I know that.
I'm working on it, okay :)

I know what you're DYING to tell me right now: "Emily, never fear, God has a plan. His plan is so much (fill in the blank) than yours. His plan will never (fill in the blank), don't worry...." I know, everything in your BODY wants to say that to me. You want to assure me that the God of this universe has always had a plan for me.
Here's the thing: I know that. I know it. Trust me, I know. But I'm still angry. And hurt. And sad. And lonely. And furious. And bitter. And heartbroken. And struggling. Even though I know that "God's got a plan, Emily!" it all still sucks. And I'm still wounded.

Want to know the truth that I hold onto? God will make EVERYTHING beautiful in it's own time.

Right this second is not my time.

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