emotional tsunami

I have this bad habit.
I stuff my emotions.
I "reason" them away.
I force myself to NOT feel them.
I brush over them.
I shove them down.
And then, on nights like tonight, ALL of those shoved, stuffed, reasoned-away emotions come rushing out.
Along with tears.
A lot of tears.
More tears than humanly possible.
This is a cycle.
My "crazy" cycle.
And I know exactly why I do it.
To make a very complex explanation short, it's because of fear.
A lot of fear of many things.
Mainly fear of: rejection, abandonment, pain, loneliness, lack of control (to name a few).
Tonight was a night where the flood gates came down, and the emotion hit me like a title wave.
So here I sit, in the aftermath of the emotional tsunami, processing through the pain. Sorting through the emotion. Working on the areas that God is so clearly exposing.
It's not easy.
It's messy.
It's hard.
But, I know it's worth it.
And the truth that I cling to on nights like tonight is that it's because of God's great, huge, never-ending, never-failing love for me that he calls me to walk through all of this.
And I know that he will NEVER leave me. That he will NEVER forsake me.