Thursday, December 23, 2010

Living from the present

My days have a certain familiarity to them.
Tuesdays and Thursdays I wake up before the sun, hit the trails (usually 2-4 miles)
Home by 7
Eat breakfast
Head to "my spot" (AKA Eureka Way Starbucks) for an hour or so of journaling and reading.
Then head to work!
After that, the routine just consists of work-type stuff... meetings, e-mails, copies, phone calls, more meetings... you get the gist.

The rest of the week is pretty similar... there are things that I do every week at the same time in the same order. I like order. I like structure. I like routine.

That's why trips home are hard for me.
Not sleeping in my own bed, not sticking to my schedule, no structure, no routine, no familiarity. It can make me turn into a bit of a grouch.
SO, today among the chaos that ensues during this season, I found some familiarity. I hit the trail bright and early (letting myself sleep in a whole half an hour!!) then headed to Starbucks... it felt good. It felt familiar. I needed that.

You see, home doesn't really feel so much like home anymore. I was born and raised in Arcata, CA. I went to elementary through high school with the same people. When I moved away, I began to form new friendships, new families, a new "home". So, when I come back, the old memories rush back to me. The places of my youth almost seem to haunt me. I drive by places and remember the time spent there, the times associated with the places, the pain associated with those times. You can see how it would become a bit overwhelming.
But this year, this trip home, I vowed it would be different. I vowed to take the work God's been doing in me and let it stand as a new foundation in my life. I wouldn't be knocked down this time. I would bring my new routines and my new, healthy life along with me and let it meet the "ghost of Christmas' past" if you will.
And today, that's exactly what I did.
I'm no longer that scared little girl.
I'm no longer that wounded high schooler.
I'm no longer that confused 18 year-old.
My life is a new life. And that's where I'm living from today. Not from the past that always tries to haunt me, but from the present, and from the place that God has brought me.
What a beautiful day it was.

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